May 12, 2019 at 7:20 am #4683
Last night a young woman, 17, failed to yield, made a poor driving decision, and left-turned right into my lane. We collided. Ugghh!!! Thankfully, no one was hurt, but my 1995 Toyota Corolla, used every day as reliable transportation for me to-and-from work, is probably going to have to be totaled. As you can guess, it won’t take much of a damage assessment to cause her insurance company to conclude it will be cheaper to pay me somewhere (I’m guessing on this) between $800-1800 to total the car than to fix the side panel, replace the broken headlamp, and repair whatever other damage there might be. If that happens, I will need to go buy a new used car, which I really don’t have the money just sitting around for. Ugghh! ( I had often prayed that this car would serve me, and given thanks for it doing so, until the Lord returned for the harpazo. Looks like He better hurry if that is going to happen.)
Woke up this morning so aggravated and upset by the whole thing. I feel like that car. Old, and beat-up, and having trouble running properly. I really didn’t have the bandwidth in my life, emotionally, financially or spiritually to deal with this. And on top of it all, I am fighting some kind of sickness with a sore throat and just not feeling that great physically.
This is the kind of crap (and You know the word I would really like to use Abba) that I am so weary of dealing with in this world. It brings up fears of lack of provision. Makes me angry with the Lord. Makes me so want out of here. I am really tired of struggling to survive in this fallen, sinful mess and really tired of dealing with my own sinful nature.
Would appreciate prayers for grace to press on and healing. If the Lord chooses not to come in the next few days, I have to get on a plane and fly to California for my daughter’s graduation. It would be nice to feel halfway decent physically in dealing with that. And I’m not sure what I am going to do for transportation until then.
Add to that the fact that in three weeks, if we are still here, I have to travel back to Kansas to participate in a parole hearing to keep my nephew in prison for brutally murdering his mother and sister 25 years ago. I walked in and found the bodies. I am going there to have my say before the parole board on why, no matter how model of a prisoner he may have been over the past 25 years, he does not deserve his freedom. Forgiveness, yes. A chance to hear and decide about the gospel, yes. Freedom from prison in this life. No. His mom and sister don’t have that option and neither should he.
Do you ever feel so d*** weary of dealing with this world that you just weep and long to be gone?
May 12, 2019 at 7:45 am #4684JozefinaParticipant
May 12, 2019 at 4:19 pm #4711yhwhtalmidahParticipant
My heart is breaking with all you are going through. I am praying for God to heal your body and give you His strength to endure this trial. I pray for Jesus to fill you with His peace as you face your nephew and ask Him for the opportunity for you to speak the truth of the gospel to all those involved. Be strong in the Lord and the power of His might!
May 12, 2019 at 4:30 pm #4712
Watchman, ah it is a sadness that goes beyond understanding. What you have witnessed and continue to relive is more than hard. May our comforter give you grace and peace surround you with His Devine nature to speak the truth with power. May the God of heaven uplift you from the mental fatigue these events cause.
So should I pray for a car or for us to fly, hmmmm ok – if the Lord terries past June, a car that you can get with insurance money and you can sue for damages of inconvenience and mental anguish. Then you can drive a Beamer until Jesus comes for us, just saying! Love ya in Christ! You so got this!
May 12, 2019 at 5:20 pm #4717LozParticipant
May 12, 2019 at 9:35 pm #4733KolleenWhiteStoneModerator
Alongside prayers for you Watchman, can your church/leadership help in any way, even if only by keeping you in their prayers?
Can any one of the members or anyone else loan you a car?
Can the insurance company provide a car??
My Van was hit and declared totaled, but I’m still driving it. Is it possible you might get away with minimal repairs to keep use of it? Tho possibly not beautiful, but still functional?
Is there a local friend/anyone there who can support you as you walk through this.
The enemy has stolen from you, and anger disappointment and hurt is understood, but it’s important to run to the Lord and not be angry with Him. Just blurt out to Him all you are feeling – everything! Forgive anything needing forgiveness. Trust Him to help, to guide; sense His presence and faithfulness.
Lord, come near to Watchman in these things he’s facing. Hold him close in your reassurance and love that You have the answers he needs. Give him Your wisdom for each situation, and carry him through each one in Jesus Name.
That Your beloved may be delivered, save me by Your right hand and answer me! Ps 60:5
He trusted on the LORD that He would deliver him: let Him deliver him, seeing he delighted in Him. Ps 22: 8
Our Father Who art in heaven….
May 16, 2019 at 2:09 pm #4854HeidiParticipant
Watchman, I am so sorry for what you have been through.
I do love your sense of justice: I think your nephew should stay in prison because of what he did.
I will pray for transportation, finances and that you will be able to attend your daughter’s graduation. I will pray for your healing.
Hang in there
June 5, 2019 at 2:51 pm #5355
June 5, 2019 at 6:16 pm #5366
Hi Regina. Right now I am still driving the car banged up. Insurance will total the car if I file a claim. Going to have someone just pull the fender out to keep it from scraping against the tire. Yeah, there goes any chance of being the cover vehicle for that auto classic magazine. I was sure my ’95 Corolla was destined for fame and fortune. LOL. The parole hearing was painful. Won’t know the board’s decision until September. I hope we’re gone by then. I don’t know how much more of this world I can tolerate.
June 5, 2019 at 7:08 pm #5370
June 5, 2019 at 8:38 pm #5380
Watchman – I picture my 340 horsepower steed to be a red chestnut mare; gladly changing the 4 wheeled thing.
I’m sorry for the pain of the parole hearing, your nephew will pay for eternity, no matter what an earthly court rules, especially if he denies Christ.
Sept – is NOT a fav month for me! Truly praying, it’s time to leave! Do you ever get that conflicted feeling? I want to see Jesus so much, this world holds nothing for me, gets crazier and more evil by the second…..but, there are SOOOO many lost souls still. I want them saved, I don’t want any to suffer eternal damnation. Trust me I have a few folks that I believe deserve it but still pray for them.
Hang in there Watchman, we are the terminal generation and it will be so cool, just the most awesomeness to go by sky and not by grave!
June 6, 2019 at 10:34 am #5399
Yes Tammie, I do get that conflicted feeling very often. Sometimes I tell the Lord that if, in His mercy towards others, it is still going to be a long time before He comes in the air, to just go ahead and take me personally now. I know it can seem selfish to just long to be done with this place, knowing that literally B…B…Billions of souls are lost without Him. I would not wish damnation on a single one of them. I just want to be in the Lord’s presence, done with sickness and pain and heartache and sorrow, and with the Lover of my soul. I don’t want it to be at the expense of someone else’s eternal destiny, but I sure do want it.
June 6, 2019 at 10:39 am #5400
It’s kind of funny, Regina, because my 95 Corolla is white. For years, my wife has referred to it as the “White Bomber”, in no way meant as a term of endearment. She doesn’t even like to have to ride in it at this point. I, on the other hand, think of it as my White Stallion. Perhaps I will be trading that metal White Stallion for a real one after we spend Daniel’s 70th week at Abba’s house. Maranatha!!!
June 6, 2019 at 1:38 pm #5408
Watchman I so get those feelings, sometimes the weight of this world is so heavy. I have so many people that depend on me, so much to do daily, and all I truly desire to do is be with Jesus. I see so much pain, anger, disease ravaged bodies, turmoil of mankind and wonder how God, the creator must feel when He sees what we have become, “as in the days of Noah”.
It is so comforting to me to know that soon, within my lifetime (I’m not young either, just saying) we will be the most privileged generation to take flight. Like JD says, if not soon, I know I’d go crazy! But brother, we will fly sooner than later, so keep driving your white bomber and get ready to trade it in for a white horse and/or wings (how cool is that)? You so got this!
June 9, 2019 at 8:43 pm #5522
June 9, 2019 at 10:37 pm #5527Ruth BreithauptParticipant
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