March 26, 2020 at 10:05 pm #12588Humbly IrrelevantParticipant
These are some of the important questions that keep me awake at night. Most of them are originals, while a few others are borrowed because they fit the theme.
- Is a Clockmaker paid by the second, minute, or hour?
- Can a Silversmith ever have his reputation tarnished?
- Are Sees Candy employees ever allowed to think outside of the box? If so, then why are most of their Operations personnel confined to cubicles?
- If Wordsmiths are so colorful with their language, why can’t they find any words to rhyme with orange, silver, or purple?
- Have you ever noticed that most Sword-Swallowers are a little on edge, while Fire-Eaters tend to go light on the hot sauce?
- If you wear a pigskin (taken from an elongated inflatable sphere), will that make you oink as you fly through the air like a football?
- Do Ice-cream salesmen every get cold feet?
- Do Pencil-makers ever see the point of their jobs?
- Can a mushroom ever be a fungi (fun guy) at a party?
- Why do the minds of so many people resemble concrete — thoroughly mixed up and permanently set?
- Does a Chimney Sweeper ever realize how many ups and downs there are in that job? And does his dog say “ruff, ruff” or “roof, roof”?
- If money isn’t everything, then why do the kids stay in touch so much?
- Why is it that so many people want to serve God — but only as advisors?
- If you sit in the garage, does that make you a car?
- Why do we park in Driveways and drive on Parkways?
- Why do ships carry cargo and cars carry shipments?
- If you merged UPS with FedEx would it become FedUps?
- Why do they call it quicksand when it sucks you down slowly?
- If you put lipstick on a caterpillar, will that make it a butterfly?
- If you put a tuxedo on a pig, will its room still be a sty?
- If people can dog-paddle, why can’t dogs people-paddle?
- When we get to the end, is that really the end or just a new beginning?
- I hope that I can die peacefully in my sleep as my grandfather did — not screaming in terror like the passengers he had in his car at the time.
- Why do we sing “Take me out to the ball game,” when we are already there?
- Why do wise guy and wise man mean entirely different things?
- Why do you need an appointment to see a psychic?
- Why does Goofy stand on two legs while Pluto remains on all fours? They’re both dogs!
- When cheese gets its picture taken, what does it say?
- Why is a square meal served on round plates?
- Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks?
- If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?
- Why are there flotation devices under plane seats instead of parachutes?
- If a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose?
- Did you ever realized that 6 out of 7 Dwarves aren’t Happy?
If I could find answers to these critical questions, maybe I could sleep a little better before the Good Lord comes for us.
God bless you all!
March 26, 2020 at 10:30 pm #12591
March 27, 2020 at 7:21 pm #12647MyWhiteStoneModerator
Better news though, Humbly, is that not only will you have eternity to ponder them, but we will speak an entirely new heavenly language whose usage will present a new set of colloquialisms and common legends over the ages. And another piece of good news in my opinion is that our senses of humor will be heightened and widened so that for example, we can fully appreciate your enhanced literary giftedness… if that were possible.
But tell me this: Will you be more humble then? If so, then 1) in what way, and 2) how come?
March 27, 2020 at 7:46 pm #12650
March 27, 2020 at 8:50 pm #12660Humbly IrrelevantParticipant
March 27, 2020 at 8:57 pm #12662MyWhiteStoneModerator
March 27, 2020 at 10:55 pm #12667
March 29, 2020 at 11:58 am #12711TammieParticipant
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